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The following is a Victim Impact Statement from Nancy Freda, who wrote us, "I got to address the court and HIM face to face....it was extremely difficult, emotional and healing for me. I had a fever and had to sit cause I was sooo weak but I DID IT!!!!!! And it was liberating!!"

Nancy has become a good friend to Strengthen Our Sisters - which she mentions toward the end of her statement.

" Good afternoon Judge Clark, I can't thank you enough for allowing me time to speak as it is no doubt the most important part of my healing process. My name is Nancy Freda. I was Beth's coworker but more importantly, I was her friend. We were both Surgical Technicians in the Operating Room at Saint Joseph's Wayne Hospital. When Beth came on board I was her preceptor – in the O. R. that meant I would train her and be her shadow for 3-4 months. We had a lot in common. We went to the same college, had the same teachers and graduated from the same program. We could relate to one another instantly. We had the same sense of humor. You have to have a certain kind of personality to work in that kind of high stress environment. You have to be self-assured and a very thick skin.

Beth made a big impression on me. She was this tough Puerto Rican who didn't take any bull from anybody. We clicked and we had a lot of laughs together. We respected each other and had this rare, uncommon, unspoken understanding. We had a bond in the O. R. because as Techs we were on the same side. When Beth had surgery back in 2006 she asked me to be the scrub nurse on her case. That is probably a Tech's highest form of flattery. Having a coworker request you shows a mutual respect and the highest level of trust. I was honored to be there for her.

I think what I loved most about Beth was how she welcomed a challenge. She loved a complex surgery and was always working with difficult surgeons. She was tough enough to do it – and not everyone is. Looking back, perhaps that's why she went out with you Jerry…because you were a challenge…something she thought she could fix. It's funny, in healthcare, I find, as women, we like to fix people and a lot of times that extends into our personal lives.

You were such a nightmare within the operating room Jerry; everyone at the hospital knew it. You'd call Beth a hundred times a day – like she worked in a deli or something – you were harassing, untrusting, jealous and obsessive. When the two of you were broken up, Beth got her dog Rusty. She told me that she got a dog because she was lonely. She said "I'm lonely Nancy, I go home and nobody is there….now Rusty's there – I get home and he's waiting for me. He loves me". He was a better companion than you were. The sad thing is, Rusty was not enough to fill her void. She just wanted happiness, companionship, and she went back to you, Jerry. Maybe she wanted to fix you or maybe she was just lonely. Either way, you preyed on her vulnerability and her good heart and warped it with your twisted sense of what a relationship should be. You took Beth's need for love and wanting to share her life and you manipulated it. She had a great new apartment, a great new career...she wanted to buy a house…she had this great self-esteem, and you didn't like that, you were jealous of that. You had to beat down this strong woman because deep in your heart her strength scared the hell out of you.

Your honor, I can still see Beth in my minds eye as she was that day I left work on Thursday, September 14 of 2006. We were joking around because I was going to be off the next 10 days and I wasn't going anywhere on vacation – my husband and I were just going to hang around the house. Beth joked with me and said "send me a postcard from the couch". I promised I would and we laughed. She was happy, she was smiling. That Saturday morning I got the call that Beth was murdered. That's what the voice on the phone was telling me. I can't remember what I did or said or felt…I just remember thinking it wasn't real. It was like a film…and I'm being told my friend was Gone. I spent that week secluded in my house unable to accept it. I was emotionally paralyzed. I spent my summer vacation preparing for my friend's wake, going to the mass and attending her funeral. I watched as her family crumbled. Sometimes it still isn't real to me. Sometimes I play this game in my head and tell myself that she got a job at another hospital, that she is still alive. Sometimes she wakes me up at night. It's been almost 2 years and the nightmares still come. I wake up yelling and crying out her name. In my dreams I'm trying to help her or she visits me and I cry and beg her not to go. I try to convince her to stay, other times I try to save her from you, Jerry. I tried therapy but it wasn't for me. I'm still on sleep medication and I still have nightmares. Beth's murder haunts me as it haunts all who loved her. I hope Beth haunts you too, Jerry, but not her smile or her laughter: those things belong to US. I hope you are haunted by those last few moments as you killed Beth. May you be haunted by the sounds of death for as long as you live. You deserve no peace, no forgiveness. You only deserve to have that awful night replayed in your head over and over. I hope that it takes away any peace you may find, any God you may "rediscover".

For some people, working in healthcare can make you question your faith. For me, all that is believable is that which is tangible to me. For me, it is all about reason and reason tells me that Jerry took a life and therefore he should give his life. But if he must live on I don't want him to enjoy the simple things in life…the things I know he likes to do... to cook, to go to the movies, simple things. I don't want him to wake up on a beautiful day with the possibility of something good happening. I don't want him to see his boys grow into men. I want it to be the same dreary routine over and over again. He deserves the same sentence he gave to Beth's family: a lifetime of suffering. I'm not a religious person but I'm told that the Bible says God forgives all, but what I want you to remember, Jerry, is that the Bible is simply a book, written with a pen, by man. It is a story. It is not the law. This Jerry, is the LAW. YOU here in this courtroom is the LAW, your sentence, this building, the bars that will keep you away from the rest of us, that is the LAW…and it is time for you to feel its full wrath.

I know that IF there is a hell, you'll be there someday - if not already in your mind and your heart. You are an evil being... not a human being…an evil being. Cause that's what you've done…something evil. You are a killer. You murdered someone's child, someone's sister, someone's aunt, and someone's friend. You may have been many other things in your short life…a son, a brother, a husband, a father…now you're just a killer. A prisoner, an orange suit with a number. To everyone out here you are a subhuman, taken out of society, plucked out like a tick and ‘poof'…you're gone. I want you to remember that you have irreparably destroyed not only Beth's family and friends, you hurt your own family, your own children. I hope the cycle of violence doesn't continue with your boys. I hope they have a fighting chance to become REAL men.

Your honor, last year my pain became overwhelming and I had to do something positive with it. I had to turn it into something good or I was sure it would shatter me. I raised over $1000.00 for a local battered women's shelter through the Yoga school I attend. Since then I've been taking collections for them and it has helped and caused a diversion from my pain. It's created a kind of union amongst our operating room staff. We will never let her memory die. It's comforting to know that I might be helping other women out there - ones who have a chance.

Judge Clark, I DID give Beth my postcard from the couch …I put it into her coffin. The coffin THIS subhuman put her in. I beg you to sentence him to the full penalty the law will allow. I used to want him to die, but now I think I'd rather him rot. I want him to spend the rest of his days in his small cell with the rest of the subhumans, the same routine, with no one to love and no one to love him. You've taken a life and wasted your own. Now it's time to pay your bill and live in the hell you've created for yourself.

Thank you very much for this opportunity to speak, your honor. "To be in touch call 973-616-5301 or facilitiesb@yahoo.com
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